The Twelve Days Of Wizmas: Letter 3
If you missed the first two letters you can read them here
If you would like to know the primary hidden message in Letter 2 it was: “A Little Ostentatious But Yes They Will Prevent Burns When Welding Thankyou.”
Addressed To: Apartment 1b, 113a Botheration Street , Lichfield. The envelop was marked with two stamps, the first placed upside down in the top left corner and the second placed in the centre of the right hand edge.
My Dearest Friend,
Surely you do not mean to send me a gift every day we are apart? Why, it has
Only been three days and already I have received A Cartridge Of Ti Kuan Yin Tea, not to
Mention the Two Spurtle Gloves, and now three Wrench Pens? To be perfectly
Ernest, dear, I would not even have guessed their double use had Michael not
Taken one to make some minor adjustment to the Luminescent Wagonette –
He is not really the practical sort, as you know, but likes to think of himself as such – and
Inadvertently discovered that the wrench tool splits in two to reveal a hidden fountain pen.
Now I do see the point in sending me a pen, but a wrench? Exactly what is a
Gargantuan poet such as myself to do with a wrench? Let alone three! If I were a
Tinker, or a baker perhaps these gifts might make more sense but to speak with perfect candour, the
Only thing I can think is that you are indulging in large amounts of caffeinated tea again. It is a
Habit, darling, and those who wish to be continued to be thought of as Very Quiet
Ought really to keep their Habits to themselves and not draw attention to them by sending
Ludicrous, expensive and ill thought out gifts to their close friends. Please save your money
Dear and buy yourself a nice caddy of de-caffeinated Earl Grey and some dairy free scones
To while away the hours until we return to Lichfield. Gabriel sends
His regards and informs me that I ought to tell you about the fiasco that
Ended the Witch Hunt yesterday. He is quite right, you will be green with envy at the
Prospect of knowing that you missed such all over larkishness
Only it wasn’t actually our endeavours with Aunt and the wagonette that set it off,
Would you believe that The Pre-Cognitive Sisterhood showed up, all garbless and on horseback!
Do you know that we even thought we spotted the infamous Cucumber amongst their ranks?
Extreme amounts of riot were caused by them tearing up the hunt and I have never seen Aunt
Robusta turn a more violent shade of puce as the luminescent wagonette was boarded by a
Cavalcade of naked women, singing battle hymns and trying to tear
Apart the mechanisms with their teeth.
Really we couldn’t have caused a better sabotage feat ourselves and so were forced
To simply sit back and watch the fun – something no doubt you would have
Revelled in yourself I imagine, had you been here.
In fact I am beginning to think that it is providence that you have been kept away,
Darling. You should have seen the look on Aunt Robusta’s face when one woman’s armpit hair
Got tangled in the wagonette’s gear system – not to mention the look on Gabriel’s when his
Endeavours to free the poor girl landed him a kick in the teeth. I think he may be in love. Again.
Still, she managed to free herself eventually… you know, having now witnessed one of
Their raids, I cannot honestly continue to regard their activities in the same romantic light.
Of course I still see the value of many aspects of their cause as noble, I am simply stru
Ggling to reconcile Gabriel and Michael’s paintings of them, with the stark reality of
Eighty unwashed, unclothed female barbarians on horseback descending upon us in a fit of
Tremendous passion. Perhaps I shall
Have to write a poem about the
Experience in order to fully convey the
Rather confused jumble of feelings the whole thing has aroused.
Ever your friend, Chrissie.